I mentored a voice talent recently who made me feel very grateful for all the other mentees I’ve had who were receptive and appreciative to what I was offering.
Despite him seeking me out, I could tell immediately from his attitude on our virtual call that he was actually skeptical, doubtful, and distrusting of what I was saying.
Right off the top, his body language conveyed a defensiveness I was not expecting, and despite me trying my best to turn the conversation over to him and disarm him, he still had very rigid walls up.
Even more frustrating were his replies to my industry-tried and true suggestions: he would often retort: “Well, that’s not what I’ve been told.”
Any guidance I gave him – whether it was about demo specifications, marketing suggestions, or how to reach out to prospective clients – was met with resistance and debate.
Wait – did you not do your research and conclude that I was an industry expert, and someone who has valid strategies as to how to maneuver through this industry – as it’s clear that I’ve been doing just that for almost thirty years?
A close friend of mine – a playwright – had a similar experience, where her mentee viewed their appointment as a way for him to show *her* just how much he already knew about how to write and market a script. Again, I ask to no one in particular: you’re asking me for guidance, experience, and wisdom, right?
Approaching someone who is already doing what you’d like to do and obtain advice and guidance from them is a smart thing to do. Here’s my advice to anyone who seeks out an industry expert for mentorship, and how to properly and respectfully navigate that relationship:
Be Aware of the Power Differential
No quality mentor should ever flaunt their expertise over someone who is looking to learn from them; but it should be understood that there is most definitely a power differential between mentor and mentee. Teacher and student. One with knowledge, and one seeking it. A mentor should never use that power difference as an ego boost, but in the same breath, I encourage those seeking mentorship to not try to “show up” or “show off” for a mentor. You’re there to learn from an expert.
Be Quiet and Listen
Dovetailing with the above idea, it’s crucial for a mentee to listen carefully, make copious notes, and ask for clarification – multiple times – if something doesn’t make sense or needs a bit of detailing. Resist that instinct to chime in, contribute equally to the conversation, or look for ways to show the mentor how clever you are. Again: you have paid for their time. You’re in the position to receive. Use it wisely.
Do Your Homework
You wouldn’t go into a job interview without having first researched the company and find out as much as possible about them. It makes your interest genuine, and your questions pertinent. Find out all you can about your mentor, and make sure that you ask them for further information about their experience that got them there. Their progression will likely not be your progression; regardless – it’s good to have an awareness of their history, chronology, and the steps they took.
Show Gratitude
Even though you’re paying them, when they agree to mentor you, the mentor finds themselves in a position of having impart the same information one mentee after another, when they could be doing their high-paid work. In addition to payment, a feeling of gratitude concluding the meeting is an absolute must; a follow-up e-mail thanking them is above and beyond. I always like hearing updates about my mentee’s progress and I enjoy addressing any follow-up questions.
Make sure – if you’ve booked an appointment with someone from whom you’d like to learn -- that you come prepared, that you are respectful of their time, and that you must ultimately trust in the advice they’re giving you. It can be an on-going relationship where the mentor tracks your progress and continues to give you guidance, which will ultimately be rewarding for both parties.